I'm back to check in on you again.
It's been a serious hot minute since I've posted on here, because as I'm sure you are aware, life has been... well, a dumpster fire of molten radioactive manure.
2020 has been an utter train wreck, and I'm not sure when it'll get better. I'm certainly not holding my breath.
There has been so much happening, at a level of jaw-dropping escalation, that I've truly struggled to keep up, let alone make sense of it all.
I have started and stopped, written and re-written this post time and again, yet it never quite hit how I wanted it to. I got too caught up in overthinking what to say or how it will be perceived; will it be clear enough, concise enough, or cover the myriad of topics well enough to satisfy my audience? I overthought it to the point that I couldn't even words anymore, and thus gave up...
Then I decided to take a different approach.
I took the old post, the one I'd been mulling over for countless weeks, and decided to chuck it in the fuck it bucket and start from scratch.
See, everything sucks, the world is awful, the floor is lava, it seems to be Bad News Bears all day every day. That's not anything new. And I honestly don't feel that I have any level of justifiable expertise to try and weigh in on the complex issues we're facing as a state, a nation, and a global community with any reasonable semblance of merit (contrary to the multitude of experts blowing up everyone's social media feeds, amiright?)
So I'm not going to try.
(No, Karen, opinions are not facts...)
Instead, I'm going to talk about me.
...
Okay, that sounds worse than it is... I promise!
I'm talking about coping mechanisms. With everything burning down at such an epic and unprecedented level, and the continued uncertainty of literally all of the things, it's only natural to feel some kinda way about it all. And believe me, y'all, I've been feeling all kinds of ways. And very little of it has been good.
And that honestly has taken its toll.
Worst kept secret: I have anxiety. And not your throwaway comment "ugh I have such bad anxiety" that so many people use these days when they really mean they feel temporarily stressed or concerned about something. I have literal, diagnosed, for realsies anxiety. As in, my fight-or-flight response likes to kick up at random and inopportune times because it cannot decipher between real and perceived threats.
(Thanks lizard brain!)
And my usual, highly successful coping mechanisms are, evidently, not sufficient for a global pandemic, social and political meltdowns, rampant unchecked corruption, daily news horrors, and the fracturing of friends and family over all of the above.
So as much as I love the overwhelming physiological rush of an anxiety attack (I do not), the swirling-thoughts-induced insomnia (not my fave), and the squirrels-at-a-rave good-luck-focusing-on-literally-anything brain activity (nope), it was all getting a little out of hand.
It was time to figure out a new plan of attack on this genetically modified version of Super Anxiety (cape and patent pending). And truth be told, I'm still science-ing it, because it is a lot of trial and error. Here's what has been working for me so far:
- Reducing my caffeine intake. Anyone who knows me understands what a monumental undertaking this is, because caffeine is life. But caffeine is also, duh, a stimulant. And what is bad for anxiety? STIMULI!!! Ergo, less caffeine. Le sigh.
- Notes. All of the notes. I am literally writing down everything these days: to do lists, shopping lists, reminders, all of it. Partially because anxiety makes your memory utter crap, and without writing everything down and setting reminders in my phone, I would honestly forget all of the things. But more importantly? Writing everything down helps clear out the brain clutter. Rather than having all of the thoughts, tasks, action items, etc floating around in your head, they are put on paper where you can see them in an orderly fashion and your brain can stop trying to grasp them all at once. Also? As you begin scratching out each item on your list, your brain gets a sweet boost of dopamine (it's science, look it up!).
- Square breathing. Square breathing is a calming technique wherein you breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold it for 4 seconds. You repeat this for a couple minutes, or as long as you need to until your heart rate begins to come down and you start feeling calm. It is truly one of the most effective in-the-moment methods for calming the fuck down when an anxiety attack starts rushing in. Even Navy SEALS use it. Pinky swear.
- Limiting social media. Yup. Remember how anxiety loves stimuli? Well social media is one big cesspool of stimuli. All of the self-appointed current events and political experts on Facebook screaming their opinions in your face 24/7; all of the negativity and nasty comments and toxicity; all of the shallow, braggy "highlight reel" posts that are often nothing more than fabricated lies; all of the narcissism and sociopathy running rampant; all of these things are affecting our mental and emotional health. If we are not choosy with what media we consume, we can easily be consumed ourselves. I personally have been purging my list of who I follow on social media and what I allow in my feed. You gon' be toxic? You gon' get cut off. My mental and emotional well being is more important.
- Self care, sis. Doing my nails. Online shopping (god bless Amazon Prime). Face masks. Glam makeup on an otherwise average Tuesday. Gourmet meals. Snuggles with my hubs. Snuggles with my kitten. Time with friends and family. De-cluttering my kitchen, makeup vanity, closet, etc. (clutter around you legit creates clutter within you). Anything and everything that helps bring me back to center. I will acknowledge, however, that my self care does need a little work. I have been arguably focusing too much on external self care, but neglecting my internal self care, aka my mental and emotional needs. So I have recommitted myself to reading more, writing more (heyo!), listening to the podcasts that always ground me, and engaging in the creative side of my brain which I have been recently neglecting.
Times are tough right now, and no one really knows when things will return to normal, or even what that normal will be. Because of this, it is vital to take care of you and your core needs. Touch base with your inner self and figure out what you need to do to heal your shit. And while you're doing that? Don't forget to cut yourself a little slack. We're all just trying to do the best we can.
So what about you? Do you have anything that helps you get through all the things? Feel free to share in the comments!
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