Let That Sh*t Go

The past few weeks have been, shall we say, a wee bit stressful. School has been brutal, and this final push toward the end of the quarter just might kill me. Life has been hectic and tiresome, mostly in good ways, but also in HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE WE THERE YET kind of ways. Writing has been a struggle because all of the tired has made creativity feel impossible; I sit down to write, stare at the blinking cursor for what feels like an hour, and then just shut the laptop and go watch Netflix. Oh, and I started working on three professional certificate programs as well, because why not?!?

I'm doing all of the things. And lately I've felt like I've been doing none of them well.

That's the thing about stress, it becomes this vicious cycle wherein you're too stressed to do the things you need to do, then become increasingly stressed about the not doing of the things you are too stressed to do. And the things you do manage to do despite the stress aren't as good of quality as they otherwise would be were it not for the aforementioned stress. Ya dig?

I'm trying to be a good wife, a good mother, a good student, produce good writing content, complete these certificates in a timely manner, exercise, drink enough water, and try to get enough sleep to not look like gollum...

Actual footage of me without mascara on, trying to force a smile because someone is daring to talk to me before the coffee has hit my bloodstream. Precious is not happy you have disturbed us. Just sayin'.

So what do you do when the life crap starts to pile up and you feel yourself getting all bajiggity? (Yes, it's a word, I promise)

See? Told ya.

But I digress.

What is your go-to coping mechanism for pushing past the stress and getting back to business?

No, I'm not trying to be motivational, I'm looking for ideas. 'Cuz mine aren't working and I want to steal yours.

Okay, I'm kidding... ish.

Sometimes all it takes is a tried and true method to get back to basics: a hot bubble bath, a solid nap, a good run, a shopping spree.

And sometimes, all your usual tactics end up backfiring, only adding to your stress because you are acutely aware that you are doing something other than the very thing you know you need to get done, and this knowledge only adds to your stress...

Le sigh.

That's where I've been recently.

And it started with school.

This quarter has been kicking my ass. My instructor is... shall we say, demanding. So demanding that it has made me completely question myself as a student. Okay, that sounds a little dramatic to admit that getting a B on a paper rattled me that much.

But it did.

I don't get Bs.

I haven't received anything below an A- since high school (and even that A- bummed me out hard). And while admitting this might make me sound arrogant and douchey, it's true. My education is something in which I take a lot of pride. I want to excel, I want to achieve... hence the three certificate programs on top of grad school on top of building my writing career. I want big things for myself, and I am the one accountable for delivering that.

But recently it's been at a cost.

I think I've been too focused on perfection lately, too focused on doing all of the things with panache and a big flourish, when really, that's not necessary.

Getting that B rattled me. Badly. It showed me areas of weakness in my school work that I needed to address, and have been ever since. But in my attempt to make up for my self-perceived failure to be perfect, I have piled on a metric fuck ton of added stress. And it has been affecting everything else, snowball style.

And quite frankly, y'all? I'm tired!

There are only a few weeks left in this quarter, and I have committed myself to just chilling out a little bit. Yes, I will continue to strive for my best work, because that's just how I'm wired.

But I'm also going to work on giving myself a little grace. I have so many irons in the fire, and only so much energy in a given day to put into any given one. I give myself permission to not be perfect. I give myself permission to set down the weight of the stress I've been carrying, take a deep breath, and just be.